I'm approaching with great, great trepidation

a couple blogs ago, i said things would be better if i knew what he was thinking. boy was i wrong about that. cause he told me last night what he was thinking and son of a bitch if it didnt make it harder and more confusing.........he loves me, he told me that through the tears. and i believe it all hard......BUT i remind him of his ex girlfriend too much....he says not the bad/psycho/possessive/manipulative/spiteful parts of her, the good parts... wait, what? there are good parts of this chick????? everything 'amazing' about me reminds him of her.......sooooooooo confusing, so so so confusing.... he's gone right now, on the adventure of springerville (http://www.springerville.com/) and its probably better like that, because i really believe that he's going to miss me while he's gone, and realize what he's given up because he is "SCARED OF ME" no seriously, he's afraid that he loves me...and its making me fucking insane.....however, initially he was going to be gone for 3 months, till like dec but now he's saying he just wants to be there long enough to get some shit taken care of....meaning he will be back by halloween most likely....happy joy. or not, or something. so after an hour long phone conversation, and him sobbing and apologizing for being so distant and apprehensive about everything he says he loves me....my reaction???? in my head i am screaming 'NO, JOSH, YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT LOVE IS!!!! YOU DONT GET THE FACT THAT MY HEAD IS SWIMMING BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOUR GOOFY DECISIONS AND YOUR CONSTANT NEED TO PUSH ME AWAY!!!! AGAAAAAGAGGHHHAHAHA!!!'(and other such...) but instead, i say to him 'right on, have a good night, talk to you tomorrow.'

No, it's not what we meant to say.
We don’t really love each other.
What happens when the summer’s over?
How long before distance becomes a chore?
I'm approaching with great, great trepidation.
I hope you’ll understand.

Before you speak think about what you're trying to say.
Who else is there to blame for miscommunication?
You're getting caught up in the excitement.
You making promises you can’t keep.
You need to leave all your options open.

Too much momentum.
This room feels like it's going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
You're searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control of the situation.

Anxiety, Anxiety you give me no mercy.
Grind my teeth smooth and flat in my sleep.
We took some pills to calm us down.
Then we needed help to come back up.
Just trying to stay in control of the situation.

Too much momentum.
This room feels like it's going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
You're searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control of the situation.
They fall apart so easily.

Too much momentum.
This room feels like it's going to explode.
Too many angles.
Too many factors to cover.
Waiting for signal.
You're searching for network.
You have to fight to stay in control.
You have to fight to stay in control.
No, you don’t have to fight to stay in control of the situation.