There is an Ocean in my soul where the waters do not curve.

i dont even really know where to begin..........monday they laid me off of my job. everything has been going so well, my ratings are through the roof, vibe in the office was good, rob and the worm have been getting along, my mom has been off my back, im in a real grown up relationship....in fact the EXACT one i asked for not long ago..........and then BAM! im jobless.....i havent been jobless since i was 15 yrs old!!! the search is not going entirely well, either....ive had to resort to checking out jobs that are not in my field, that are not mentally, spiritually, or creatively challenging...and that scares me. im so fucking manic depressive (it IS impressive) that its not hard for me to slip right back into angry lu, or worse, into i dont give a fuck lu....im so so so very thankful for that which i DO have....and i guess part of me knows im going to be ok...i mean, the world, the universe, the lord, whatever you want to call it, has thrown shit at me since birth, and fuck if i havent made it through....but, and im sure im just not asking the right way, but i would like to have a run of good....without the fuck you at the end...know what i mean? by the way, i efron hate snow and i woke up to a shit ton of it this morning....i gotta get to the beach man...and i mean that very literally, and i mean it metaphorically as well....when i get to the beach in my head, i will be a happy, happy girl.......


namaste ♥


If I could have chosen where God would hide his heaven,
I would wish for it to be in the salt and swell of the ocean.
Carried by the currents to all continents' shores.
Reaching into depths where the sun’s light has never shown.
Mixed with algae and coral.
Breathed in by sharks and dolphins.
Sailed by tanker ships, private yachts, swam in by tourists.
Working its way up through inlets, lakes, and rivers, swamps, and estuaries.
Down through limestone into the aquifer.
Purified by the county, pumped through pipes and out faucets.
Filled into a glass to meet the thirst of our children.
If I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman.
My mother once told me she would have named me Laura.
I would grow up to be strong and beautiful like her.
One day I’d find an honest man to make my husband.
We would have two children, build our home on the Gulf of Mexico.
Our family would spend hot summer days at the beach together.
The sun would kiss our skin as we played in the sand and water.
We would know we loved each other without having to say it.
At night we would sleep with the windows of our house left open.
Letting the cool ocean air soothe the sunburned shoulders of our children.
There is an Ocean in my soul where the waters do not curve.