"With insomnia nothing is real. Everything is far away. Everything is like a copy of a copy of a copy. When you have insomnia you're never really asleep, and you're never really awake. Nothing is real. "
-i am jacks movie quote
is there a point where sleep becomes pointLESS? i mean, youve found this out after drinking till 6am having to get up and go to work at some point the next day....do you just stay awake? or do you force yourself to close your eyes and replay the days events, over and over and over again? sometimes in vivid colours, sometimes black and cold.....imagine your ENTIRE life was like this...i mean, imagine you havent been drinking with your brosefs all night, youve just been doing regular everyday things....working, taking care of the little people, catching a pick up game, doing some running, then painting, a bit of tele perhaps.....regular stuff....and sleep is still so fleeting...then you get up the next day, drink entirely too much caffeine just to get you through your air shift/life.....and the cycle begins again. my insomnia is going to cost me my job if i cant get it under control...in what NORMAL universe is 9am too early to be at work? apparently zombielu land.....im not zombielu cause im the undead....well....im a zombie because thats how i feel all day, every day....functioning instead of living....cant finish sentences, forget what i went down the cereal aisle for(there are 300 kinds of cereal in the cabinet, why another?), rewrite rewrite things ive already written, say things ive already said.....if i take 'sleep aids' i will sleep but i will not wake up....on occassion, i have taken either my anti nausea stuff (knocks me out) or tylenol 3 to try to speed up the falling asleep part....these are not heavy narcotics so i DO wake up.....at about 430am....mind awake, body feeling like a sack of leaden marshmallows.....if i take the prescribed shittttte my dr gave me, i will sleep for 48 hours straight...not condusive to having a job and/or a child....i need to investigate the exact cause of this....i have been finding little things every now and then that could be the culprit.....maybe a combonation....is that how you spell that? oh yeah, spelling and grammar skills go right out the window along with hand eye coordination and appetite......mmmmm, insomnia....anyway, im not stressing to terribly lately, i eat well, excersise, do all the fucking shit they say to do, drink disgusting tea, take long hot, lavendar baths like im 65 years old.....and nothing works....i can fall asleep....not too difficult to GET to sleep eventually, but i can never stay asleep....once i get up the first time (usually around 330), i cant get back into real sleep and im up again in an hour.....which is why i ask, at what point do i just get up and tweeker clean my house or read war and peace? kinda tired of being tired.....my body is breaking down because of it, my ears hurt, my back hurts, my head hurts...because i cant sleep, when i do catch a couple of hours (or one,whatev) my dreams are so intense that its almost taking away from the quality of zzzz im getting....the other night i had a dream that my mother was a serial killer and my little brother and i had to shoot her to get her to stop killing...it was nutty. i dream about little ray a lot....usually it starts out with a memory, then progresses to a wild ass dream which will never come true...i dont know, mybea his parents being in contact is lending to my not sleeping? nah, i dont think so, they are really good people who just need to reach out to someone who is hurting too, i think? fuck i really dont know....
With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind?
Way out in the water
See it swimmin'
I was swimmin' in the Caribbean
Animals were hiding behind the rocks
Except the little fish
But they told me, he swears
Tryin' to talk to me, coy koi.
6 comments:
To sleep perchance to dream
ay, there's the rub
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause
there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life
I was talking to preachy preach about kissy kiss
He bought me a soda
He bought me a soda
He bought me a soda and he tried to molest me in the parking lot
Yep, yep yep, YEP!
I figure that lyric makes about as much sense to your insomniac mind as Steve's.
Just sayin...
PS. Did I start the ball rolling on this blog with my text the other day?
Again...just sayin...
I give you Shakespeare, and Grant does Pixies...c'mon!!
but who is to say black francis isnt on the same level as billy shakespeare??? hmmmm????
I guess I could drop some Billy 'Speare, too...
O sleep! O gentle sleep!
Nature’s soft nurse, how have I frighted thee,
That thou no more wilt weigh my eyelids down
And steep my senses in forgetfulness?
Why rather, sleep, liest thou in smoky cribs,
Upon uneasy pallets stretching thee,
And hush’d with buzzing night-flies to thy slumber,
Than in the perfum’d chambers of the great,
Under the canopies of costly state,
And lull’d with sound of sweetest melody?
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