why wont my phone get texts? and if my phone doesnt get text, how do i communicate with the outside world? lost in a roman, wilderness of pain........
i went to visit rays gravesite on sunday. it was depressing and weird....not only because thats how i have to 'visit' him now, but because the grass still hasnt grown in, and there was just a lonely prayer candle and a dead flower at the site, still no headstone.....it was just sad to see. his parents and sister are far away, they cant take care of it, and his family that IS left in the slow are just too old and/or detached to do anything about it....so, i went by on my way to get the worm from my sister, left a note. had a smoke and left. a couple of hours later, i thought 'fuck it, im going back' went to the store to get some flowers to leave....but as i had the flowers in my hand i decided that soon they would be dead and just as depressing as what was currently there....so i looked around the store and found some tea light holders that were shaped like mushrooms! i know, how perfect, right? so i bought a few of them and some candles, and went back out this time, the worm decided to come with me....i pull up and see a familiar truck---the only other vehicle in the cemetary....it just so happens to be neil....rays best friend from elementary school. the other guy in the picture of ray and i at homecoming when i was 15...the guy who called me and told me ray was dead on march 12. hadnt seen him in years, and there he was, at the same time i was...neither of us live in that town, neither of us had any reason(really) to stop there that day, and i certainly had no reason to go back as i had been there just a few hours before....neil talked to my kid and it choked him up...to see her and to know him, well, its kind of hard not to draw conclusions.....i stopped talking to neil around 1996...after ray left for nau and his many adventures abroad, i tried to keep close with neil, it was rays bff after all...right? but one night, i know it was winter, it was cold as fuck and i was wearing overalls and my docs w/ ray's rasta hat, i remember the weirdest details-----i went out w/ neil and his then girlfriend, tara...she ended up ruining my boy jeremy's life, but thats a story for another time...anyway, i was sitting shotgun in neils truck(the same one that was in the cemetary yesterday) and tara was upset about something, she was ALWAYS upset about something, and wanted to go home. i was out of it, probably coke being that i was w/ neil, maybe hallucinagens....(yet i remember what shoes i was wearing?) either way, i had had it w/ her bitching and said to neil that i thought he should just take her home, we could go smoke a joint w/ barney with out her...its not like she was going to partake anyway....i stared out the window and played with my bracelet as they fought.it was a heavy bracelet, or at least it was that night, which is why i thought it coulda been acid, or mushrooms....it was a chain of pure silver with a really cool clasp on it, it was a skull head that went into a helmet of some sort so when it was closed it just looked like the skull was wearing the helmet...it was dope. ray had gotten it for me for HIS graduation a couple of months before.....they yelled at each other for what seems like 16 hours, but since we were in the slow, and its only 6 miles from end to end, im sure it was only a few minutes. we stopped at a stop light and he yelled at her to get out of the truck...which meant i had to get out too...we were right near ians place so i figured id jump out, let her out and then just walk to ians. fuck neil and his stupid girlfriend, they were killing my buzz....i get out, standing in the middle of the street, she gets out...HE gets out...he's supposed to be driving, remember? light turns green,there we all are, standing in traffic....i walk out into the other lane, i was done with this night, i was determined to get hit by a car,mostly so i could go home or at least go chill out w/ ian and jay and smoke....no cars come, its winslow after all, and at like 3am on a tuesday or whatever the fuck day it was, not even the cops are out.....they stand in the middle of the street and yell and scream...yeah!! i decide im going to start walking to ians...i KNOW he has dope....just then, i turn around and see neil SLAP THE FUCKING SHIT out of this little 90 lb junkie girl who had been crying all night.......i took off, thats the last time i spoke a word to neil. until march 12.
Yeah, c'mon
When the music's over When the music's over, yeah
When the music's over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights, yeah
When the music's over
When the music's over
When the music's over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
For the music is your special friend
Dance on fire as it intends
Music is your only friend Until the end
Until the end
Until the end
Cancel my subscription to the Resurrection
Send my credentials to the House of Detention
I got some friends inside
The face in the mirror won't stop
The girl in the window won't drop
A feast of friends "Alive!" she cried
Waitin' for me Outside!
Before I sink
Into the big sleep
I want to hear
I want to hear The scream of the butterfly
Come back, baby Back into my arms
We're gettin' tired of hangin' around
Waitin' around with our heads to the ground
I hear a very gentle sound
Very near yet
very far
Very soft, yeah,
very clear
Come today, come today
What have they done to the earth?
What have they done to our fair sister?
Ravaged and plundered and ripped her and bit her
Stuck her with knives in the side of the dawn And
tied her with fences and
dragged her down
I hear a very gentle sound
With your ear down to the ground
We want the world and we want it...
We want the world and we want it...
Now Now? Now!
Persian night, babe
See the light, babe
Save us! Jesus! Save us!
So when the music's over
When the music's over, yeah
When the music's over
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Turn out the lights
Well the music is your special friend
Dance on fire as it intends
Music is your only friend
Until the end
Until the end
Until the end!
5 comments:
I miss u.
PS. This will spin your anger wheel: http://tinyurl.com/56eazj
It's long, but I wanted to share this.
dan le sac vs. Scroobius Pip "Magician's Assistant":
It's tragic; you tried to cut yourself in half,
But this isn't magic; in fact it's something much more dark, or more dramatic
Self harm, that’s what they call it
'Cause it just affects you
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do,
And if one day you can't reign it in,
And of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it’s your last breath,
And it's nobody else’s business.
But, how about your little sister?
I mean, you think your life's been bad,
And by no means am I belittling that,
Cause I know the troubles you've had
But a teen finding out her big sister chose death over life,
Finding out instead of turning to her with your problems, you turned to a knife
That's a whole lot of pain to deal with
And a whole lot of damage
And the only role model she has is little more than words engraved in granite.
But as you said before, this just affects you
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do
And if one day you can't reign it in,
And of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it’s your last breath,
And it's nobody else’s business
But then, how about your parents?
God knows they've done all they can to support
Yeah, you didn't grow up in a mansion,
But they gave you the best life they could afford,
And the second that last bit of life trickles out,
And your lungs cease to breath,
They've failed the most important task that they will ever receive
They failed to give their child a life that’s worth living,
And that's a failure that as long as they live, of themselves, is unforgiving
But as you said before, this just affects you
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do
And if one day you can't reign it in,
And of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it’s your last breath,
And it's nobody else’s business.
But, how about your friends?
How did they fail to see this coming?
I mean, you can only hold so much pain,
And recently it seems like the tap's been left running.
Families grow distant, but it's meant to be your friends you can rely on
They shouldn't be there for just fun and drinks
They should be the shoulder to cry on
They should be the ones you turn to,
When you can't talk to your family
But they failed too because although you didn't ask for it,
Their support should have been mandatory
But as you said before, this just affects you
It's your life, your body, so you can choose what you do
And if one day you can't reign it in,
And of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then so be it, cause it’s your last breath,
And it's nobody else’s business
But then, what about me?
What kind of boyfriend am I?
Instead of living a life I was a big part of,
You would rather die
Instead of fighting through together,
And turning things around,
You decided the grass was greener
On the other side of the ground
If I shared lives there was nothing worth living for as far as you could see
So if that's the case for you
Then what is there left in this life for me?
But as you said before, this just affects you
It's your life, your body, your sister, your parents, your friends, and your partner
So you can choose what you do
And if one day you can't rain it in,
And of your last breath you are the only witness,
Then fuck everybody else cause that ain’t something you’ve got to live with
The magician's assistant
Too many problems to list ‘em,
Not enough people to listen.
The magician's assistant....
dude, thats good shit....good thing i have an oil can handy
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